a ball of yarn and a remote control

Reflections...

One of my favorite songs is called "Best Imitation of Myself" and is by Ben Folds. 

Part of the song goes like this..

"I feel like a quote out of context
Withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you want to see
I got the gesture and sound
Got the timing down
It's uncanny, yeah, you think it was me"

This particular section of the song has been running through my head for weeks now because I identify with it so much.

Lately, I have been having a pretty rough time.  (Before you start worrying, I am making it through and will come out a much better man.  Keep reading.)

It all started a few weeks ago when Adam and I broke up after a five months together. 

I will never speak badly of him, but I was getting to the point where I needed to step away.  There were certain aspects of the relationship that were amazing, but I found myself trying to tailor myself to the expectation that he had of me.  It just wasn't working and it became time to take it down a notch.

We probably should have stayed friends before we bumped it up to more, but we plowed through that and went too fast.  Hopefully, we can make a transition back into a good friendship because I miss him like crazy and am ready for him to be back in my life.

I know that kind of stuff happens to everybody all the time, but it had been several years since I had seriously dated anybody.  I did the breaking up for the most part, but ended up taking it much harder than I had imagined that I would. The thoughts of if I made a mistake or if we could have worked it out just kept running through my head.  I did not sleep much and just was not in a good place for the first few days afterward.

About two weeks ago, we saw each other at a choir concert.  I had a big spell that consisted of about 15 minutes of some good ole ugly crying afterward.  After getting it all out, the sky opened up and I started to feel much better about it all.  (Plus, I went to a bar right afterward and saw that there was life after him.  That helped.)

In all of my reflecting, I realized that my decision was for the best.  I can't spend my time trying to become someone that I do not recognize for another person. 

I have to be me.  Pure and simple. 

Dare I say it... could I be growing up and becoming more mature?  Yikes.

There are a few areas of my life that I think about and wonder why they are not prevalent anymore.  These are things that I used to really enjoy and be excited about, but have ceased to do for some reason or another. 

Maybe I have grown up a bit or whatever, but I miss some of those things.  

In typical J.P. fashion, I made a list of some of those things.  My challenge is going to be integrating those things back into my life and seeing if I still adore them as much as I did. 

There are three big ones that I am going to make public on the blog, so that I can get them out there.  Feel free to hold me accountable.

The first is getting back into the gym.  I had been going pretty much every day until Adam came along.  I have started back and have been going strong with it. I just load my IPod with some knitting podcasts or some bad '90s dance music and go.

I also rejoined Weight Watchers and am happy to report that I am down 3.4 pounds in the first week.  I have been needing to lose some weight and I think this is the perfect time to really make it happen.

Reading has come back into my life, which is a good thing.  I can remember days of rushing to the bookstore in my hometown to see if they had this or that particular book.  I kinda miss that!  

I have gotten myself hooked on the Sookie Stackhouse books which are the basis of HBO's True Blood.  I am into the 3rd book and really enjoying the stories.   Charlaine Harris is a good writer and humor is infused throughout, which I like. 

I also read a quick little book called What Now? upon Sheila's suggestion through a Facebook post.  It was the perfect book for the perfect time.  I had checked it out of the library, but feel the need to eventually add it to my bookshelf. 

I am so blessed to have a wonderful set of people in my life who take me and love me for me.  I am thankful for them every day.  There are just some people who I used to adore, but have fallen away from for whatever reason.  I miss those people.  I just want to find ways to get reacquainted with those people and try to assimilate them into my life again.  This one will probably be hard, but I would just like to tell them how much they have meant and continue to mean, even if I have not seen them in years.

There are several other 'improvements' that I am looking to make in myself.  The process is going to be slow, but I think the outcome is going to be good. 

There is nothing like pretty much hitting the bottom of the bucket to make you want to rise above everything, right?

It's just gonna take time.

Stay tuned..

Old..

It was a beautiful Charlotte day, so I spent a few hours at Carowinds this afternoon.

Since it was a Tuesday, the park was virtually empty.  There were a bunch of school groups, but there were not even that many of them. 

There were no lines anywhere.  Bliss.

Due to the emptiness of the park, the operators would allow you to stay in your seat on the rides if there was nobody waiting in the queue.

I got to ride my favorite roller coaster several times without having to get out of my seat.

There were three kids sitting beside me the entire time.  I did not really talk to them until the last few times we rode.

After nine times around, I was starting to get a bit dizzy and kinda wanted to walk around a bit.

The kids on my row decided to get off at the same time. 

When we were walking down the stairs to leave the ride, one of the little girls said...

"I have never seen a grown-up ride something so many times. You're cool!"

Um.. when did I become a grown-up?

(At least she thought I was a cool one!)

Stay tuned...

Surprises..

As I hinted at in my last post, my parents came to visit a week or so ago. 

They stayed several days and we had a lot of fun.  We ate well, saw more of Charlotte and generally had a blast.

When they got here, I had surprises for both of them.

It was a few days past Mother's Day, plus my father's birthday had just passed.  I figured that I would be seeing them shortly, so it would be a bit wasteful to mail them.  Besides, I wanted to see their reactions at getting hand knit gifts.

Yes,  kids.. I actually have been knitting.  Beyond that, I actually finished some items.  Go me!

Here is what they found when they arrived...

The package on the left belonged to my father and the other one was for my mother.

Right before I moved to NC, my father and I were in a sporting goods store and he saw a hat that he liked.  It was a flimsy little thing that would probably not be very warm.  I made the mistake of opening my big mouth and proclaiming that I could make him one that would be warmer and better looking. 

To my surprise, he said "prove it".   So, I did. 

Only a year or so later.

I knit this guy with two strands held together, so it is going to be toasty.

The yarn is a dreadful acrylic that came from Hobby Lobby.  It was on clearance when I bought it.

I know why. 

Shudder.

The good thing is that he really seemed to like it.

Hopefully, he will get good use out of it when hunting season starts up again.

As for my mother, I had the pleasure of gifting her with her first pair of hand knit socks.

They are knit from ShibuiKnits Sock in the Wasabi colorway.

The pattern is Stansfield 16 from More Sensational Knitted Socks, I think.

The funny part about this pair is that they have been almost finished for ages. 

I knit them a while ago to give to her for some birthday or holiday.  They eventually got buried in a box and I stumbled across them a few weeks ago. 

All they needed was to be kitchenered and they would be good to go.  I stink at the stitch, so I called in some reinforcements to help.  Cristi quickly finished them for me and they were ready to be gifted.

Judging from the fact that my mother hardly took them off, I think that they were well received.

It was so much fun to have gifts for the people who have given me so much.

Kinda makes me wanna cast on and get started on some other goodies for them...

Stay tuned...

Long time...

...no post. 

It hasn't been that long, but it has been a while.

There are several blog entries swirling around in my noggin, but they have just not made it onto the blog yet.  Between getting used to the new job and my parents being here for a few days, I needed a bit of downtime and took it.

So.. check back tomorrow and there might just be some knitting to see.

Until then, Christopher would like to say hello from his post up in the windowsill.

Stay tuned...

Book chat..

(This post was supposed to be posted on Tuesday, but it was delayed due to breaking news.)

I have been reading a lot lately.  Well.. a lot for me. 

Trying to juggle time for television, reading and Adam is interesting.  I try to take little bits of time whenever I can and read a page or two.  I usually read a chapter or so during my nightly baths.

Over the weekend,  I turned my last page of this..

I have been reading these books for what seems like forever.  The books are pure crack.

The story was a good one.  The first book in the series was a super fast read, but the others kinda lagged for me.  At times, Breaking Dawn was torture to read. 

It was one of those cases where I was really invested and in love with the characters, but just was not enjoying their story during that particular time.  I trudged on, wondering what would be their outcome.  I guess that I can live with the book's resolution.

It will be so nice to be able to hear spoilers about the series, instead of having to hide from them.  Every time I would listen to a Lime & Violet podcast, I would cringe when they mentioned the series and hope that they did not spoil anything for me.  That is what I get for coming to the party late...

The Twilight saga was fun and I guess that I would recommend it to people.  Just beware that it will consume your life for a while.

Bella and most especially Edward will be with me for a while.

Now, I get to attack the other books in my pile.

First up is this:

I think I read about this in some Ravelry group and my library had it.  It is fun and is going quickly.

It is the start of a series about a Vermont town that has a spell cast on it.  It is a spell that makes the town basically perfect.  The story focuses on the knit shop owner, which is kinda cool.  At her store, "your yarn never tangles, you always get gauge and the knitter sitting next to you comes out only after dark."  There are vampires, werewolves (I can't get away!), witches, faeries and all kinds of fun mystical creatures in the town. 

I have never read anything else by the author.  She is witty and I like the way that she writes.  The yarn and knitting references are really fun. 

One example is when the hero is in the yarn store for the first time.  He is looking around at yarn and sees the price tag.  He thinks to himself, "For one ball of yarn? This was worse than crack.  Get addicted to this stuff and you would be living in your minivan."  That is about right, isn't it?

Even though I have not finished the book, I am really enjoying it and highly recommend it.  The second book that features this town is coming out on August 4 and I think it will be just as much fun! 

I am definitely going to be taking a look at her backlist.  She also contributes to a cool blog that she writes with other authors.

Check out this book and let me know what you think.

Ok.. if you will excuse me, I am going to go read.

Stay tuned...

I am so...

What was that last night?

I totally love the LOST season finales.  They are just so much fun.  Of course, it usually takes a while for my head to wrap around the events unfolding on screen.  This year was no exception.

After a nice dinner, Adam and I watched the show together.   I was kind of on edge during the whole episode.  It's that kind of feeling where you know something is going to happen, but you don't know what or when.

The big cliff hanger "whoa moment" generally happens in the last few moments, so I was even more tense for the last twenty minutes or so.

And man.. I was clutching his leg pretty tight through the last block of the episode.

I think we both might have yelped or made girly screams during that very last scene.

As per the usual style, the show did not answer much and opened more questions.  

Wowee.. that's all I have to say.

It was funny because Adam kept texting me every few minutes after I left his house.  He would send me a theory and say "what about this?"  The guy is smart.  I actually think he might have figured one big thing out, but there are still so many other things to ponder.

The last thing I have to say about the episode is this: is it 2010 yet?

Stay tuned..

My Wednesday story...

This morning, I was all set to post a blog entry about some books that I have been reading.  It was basically written in my head and ready to type out later today.  That was until I got ready to leave for work.

I came out of my apartment at my normal time and made my way down to my car.  When I got into my car, I got everything settled.  My breakfast, a drink and a bag were placed in the seat beside me and then I cranked the car.  When I finally looked up at my windshield, my heart stopped.

There was a snake on my windshield.

A dead, headless snake.

If you have been reading my blog long, you know that I have two real fears: small lizards and snakes. 

I am not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, so this was obviously not a good thing to find at 8:10 in the morning.

The question immediately posed was what I should do with my new passenger.  Obviously, I had to do something.  Soon.

I tried to flick him off by using the windshield wipers.  I have to admit that I closed my eyes during this adventure.   While a good idea in theory, it only pushed him into a balled up mess of reptile near my door. 

Not good.

My next thought was to get something and then "pick him up" with it to get him off.  Of course, I cleaned out my car yesterday and had nothing to do this with.  There was no way in the world that I was going to use my hand or my nice umbrella, so I was stuck. 

Luckily, some litterbug had left some gifts that had not made their way into the large trash dumpster about 100 feet away.  I would normally complain about people who litter, but this saint saved me. 

I channeled my inner MacGyver and picked up an empty potato chip bag and a stick off the ground.  I used them in tandem to push my little friend away from the corner of my car.  He landed with a splat and then I got back into my car.  Quickly.

In retrospect, I probably should have tried to fling him into the woods.  He will still be hanging out when I get home this afternoon so that I will be able to relive this morning again and again.  Yipee.

Driving away, I really started to wonder where the snake came from.  How did he end up on my windshield?  Why my windshield?  Did a headless snake simply fall from the sky?  Was he used in some kind of cult ritual and then discarded onto the windshield of the nearest Saturn?  It boggles the mind.

I'm not worried at all about it, but it was just very odd. 

If his brother is on my windshield tomorrow, I am moving.  Pure and simple.

And yes, I will have to stop somewhere to get more wiper fluid on the way home.  

I used that much.

Stay tuned...

To boldly go..

I am dating a sci-fi geek.

Adam is a fan of all thing space and spaceship-y.  He loves nothing better than to discuss the innermost workings of any sci-fi show and it's characters.

If you know me at all, you are well aware of the fact that I am not a sci-fi person by any stretch of the imagination.  I'm not opposed, but I have just not had the urge to watch any of the shows or movies.  I prefer to spend my time enjoying programs that are anchored on Earth and revolve around things that are familiar, rather than on distant planets or galaxies. 

That's just me, but I am trying to be open minded and get to know some of Adam's interests.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that a new Star Trek movie came out on Thursday.  Adam wanted to share this movie and experience with me, so opening night has been on my calendar for months. 

He and I had obviously discussed how I had never seen an entire episode of the series or any of the movies.  All I knew was the smallest bits of pop culture trivia associated with the franchise.  Plus, J.J. Abrams directed the movie.  I trust him completely, as he has given me hours or great television with Felicity and Lost.  I was excited.

I do have to say that I had been enjoying driving him crazy all week by saying phrases such as "I hope that the lady with the buns on her head is in the movie" or "are those little bear critters gonna be in this one?"  I think my favorite one was when I asked if the "green Muppet guy" was going to play a big part.  I know just enough about Star Trek and Star Wars to be able to annoy him with those kinds of statements.  He was not amused, but I was.

Before the show, we met some friends and had Indian food. I had never tried that particular type of food before that night.  Honestly, I did not care for it.  I want to try it again and see if I simply had the wrong thing.  It was nice to try something new, though.

Our entire group of nine met at the theater about forty five minutes before showtime.  Because it was opening night, there was a long line of people waiting to get inside when we arrived.  I was hoping that there would be all kinds of freaky fans to take pictures of, but I only saw two people who were dressed for the occasion.  One little elderly lady was dressed up and she was adorable.  I got a picture of her, but it unfortunately did not come out well enough to share.

Before we knew it, it was time for the crazy hoard of people lined up outside the theater to enter.  It was a mad scramble for seats. I am not sure who, but somebody in our group made the decision that we had to sit in the middle of the theater.  It's not like the IMax screen has any bad views, but we simply had to sit smack dab in the center. 

There were tons of empty seats in the upper part of the theater, but they were not in the middle section.  After surveying the scene, we ended up sitting TWO FREAKIN ROWS up from the screen.

We got seated and then I ran out to hit the restroom before the beginning of the movie.  As I was walking back inside, I started feeling a little nauseous.  I sat down and hoped that it would subside.  

The previews started and I began to think that these seats were not going to be that bad. Sure, I am a sit in the back of the theater person.  Yet there are people who enjoy sitting at the bottom of the screen and like looking straight up at it, right?

And then the movie started...

I made it a few minutes before I started feeling really sick.  Again, I hoped that it would subside because I was pretty well landlocked because of our positioning in the row.

It was fun to observe Adam watching the movie.  His reactions and excitement reminded me of last summer when I saw the Sex and the City movie on the big screen.  It was really cute to see him enjoying the events unfolding on the screen no more than ten feet from our noses. 

I tried to watch and get into the movie, but I kept feeling worse.

The plot itself seemed like a good one.  I know nothing about space travel, galaxies, beaming people up, how people breathe in space, why gravity is not making these characters float around or anything else on the screen.   It would have been nice to have known something or had an interpreter.  It's not my cup of tea, but I was trying to support my boyfriend and share an experience with him.

Through most of the movie, I had been trying to focus on a particular certain spot on the screen to keep from getting sick from the motion.  This plan was not working.  I tried closing my eyes for a minute or two to see if that helped.  It kinda did.

Yes, kids.. I fell asleep during the Star Trek movie.

Dead asleep.  We are talking snoring and drool asleep.

Not good.

Something woke me up and I realized that I had been out for a while. I tend to fall asleep when watching tv, but it is usually at my house with my DVR and not at the opening night of a blockbuster movie.

When the movie ended and my friends were excitedly discussing and making plans to see it again, it came out that I had slept through part of the movie.  They were shocked. I was mortified.

I wanted to watch the movie.  I wanted to like the movie.  In fact, I wanted to love it.  I wanted to run home, thrilled by my newfound love of the genre and beg to watch old episodes.

That night, none of that happened.  I had a boyfriend who was disappointed in me, plus a group of friends who thought I was crazy.  It was totally not the evening that I had planned.

Honestly, I kinda feared that it might cause some problems with Adam.  I did not sleep well that night and felt awful about the incident.  The nausea was also still there, which did not help. He was not mad at me or anything, but was just kinda hurt that I fell asleep.

At work the next day, I tried to figure out how to make it better.  After a while, it came to me.  I took takeout over to Adam's house and we watched the pilot episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I made it through the whole episode completely coherent and awake!

I did not follow much of it, but it made a lot more sense than the movie.  He was there, pausing the DVD and trying to explain some of my problem spots.  It is so cute to listen to him explaining it to me.  I was probably staring at him with glassed over eyes, but I was making an effort.  We have looked online for some kind of Star Trek 101-type video or website, but I have not found one.  If you know of something that will help, please leave me a comment.

I really am making an effort.  I want to share his love for this franchise, but I just don't know if it is in me.

I am definitely going to try.

Only after I have had a good nap, though.

Stay tuned...

Wowza..

I've been published...well, sorta.

A few months ago, Cristi called and asked if I could do her a favor.  She said that she needed some pictures taken.  That's not a big deal, as I have been her finished object photographer several times. 

She told me that she had been sent a scarf that's pattern was going to be published.  Rain or snow had been coming down like crazy in the area where the pattern's knitter/author lived, so a good picture had not been taken yet.  The scarf was mailed to Cristi, we took pics and I did not think anything else about it.

Earlier today, Cristi sent me an email with a link.  The pattern was published in Knotions Magazine and one of my pictures was used.  Plus, my name got mentioned twice. 

Very cool.

Seriously, go check out the pattern here.  Deb Barnhill did a beautiful job with the design and it knits up beautifully. 

The original was done in pink, but I can see it looking wonderful in all colors.  I think it would look spiffy in a really deep blue.

I had heard of the magazine, but had never really looked at it.  It's fun and is just like Knitty, but has a different feel to it.  I am going to sit down and really look through the back issues to see what goodies can be mined from them.  There are some cute sock patterns in this issue, too.

Anywho.. that little shout out just made my day. 

Stay tuned...

Thank you..

...for all the good vibes and thoughts.

Today went very well. 

It felt like the first day of school, but it was good.  It was a little weird and unnerving to walk into the new job, but it was not bad once I got there.  I observed the team and what they do, so that I can start learning tomorrow.  Plus, I got to know some of my new coworkers.

And yes, it feels right.

Day one, down.  It's only downhill from here.

Stay tuned...